no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
