Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
