Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Last time i carry you out of a forest
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
