hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
