now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize