is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
