It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
