i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
