paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
it was like eating out sand paper
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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