we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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