haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
