Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
