My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
