All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
