Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
