all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
