I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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