Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
