He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
