just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Randomize
