may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
