Dude my mom stole all your condoms
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
babies were throwing up all over the place
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she told me i tasted like america
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize