I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
