I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You dont lie about slip and slides
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
