were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
