I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
