worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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