Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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