I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
