There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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