So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
