so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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