pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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