I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
