you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
