I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
