Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
