I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
