We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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