i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize