You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
