listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
