I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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