guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
