I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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