If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
