I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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