We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
