Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
