I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
