May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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