I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
