Its about making memories worth repressing
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
