Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
