I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
