K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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