Define "chronic" masturbator.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
