Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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