I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
