No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
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