Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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