I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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