I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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