i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize