Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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