did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
