I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
