How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
