We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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