Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
