I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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