he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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