i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
