She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
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