youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
