ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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